Never Look Back

"I hope you never look back, but you never forget, all the ones who love and the place you left."

The time has come that every feral foster person wishes for with all their heart and dreads all at the same time.  It is time for my babies to move on.  Time for me to say goodbye.

Hyde showed me that he was ready to go before Frankie did. He was headbutting, meeting me at the door of the foster room each morning.  Following me to the door when I left. Demanding attention and showing an interest in the world outside of my foster room.  So last Friday I brought Hyde into the shelter to be neutered and go up for adoption.


Now I do not believe in just tossing my feral fosters into the craziness of a busy shelter and walking away.  I ease them into it.  Hyde had his surgery on Friday and then the plan was for him to stay in the relatively quiet office of the shelter for the weekend with only a certain higher level of cat volunteers called the cat task force allowed to interact with him.  If he did well over the weekend then he would move to the adoption floor but still only be allowed to interact with staff and cat task force.

Frankie was not ready to go.  She was still really shy so I decided to keep her alone with me and work one on one with her for a while then put her up for adoption.  But with ferals (or any kittens) things do not always go according to plan.  Frankie did start to open up more to me and get friendlier but she was also very stressed.  Without her brother her stress level shot through the roof.  She was howling anytime she was left alone.  She also paced around the the foster room and did not eat as well as she should.  It was clear that she was not going to be able to succeed without her brother.

Hyde meanwhile was progressing at the shelter.  He was starting to reach out to others for the attention he was used to getting from me.  He was well on schedule to going up for adoption after the weekend.  But his sister needed him.  My option was to bring Hyde back to my house even though he was ready to go or push Frankie's boundaries and bring her back to the shelter before she was 100% ready.  I chose to push Frankie.  Once she was at the shelter in a cage next to her brother (the cages are too small for them to share) she relaxed and started eating again.

On a side note here, for those of you who are not shelter volunteers at the shelter I foster for, I just have to say that I am blessed to foster for a shelter that truly puts the welfare of the animals first and listens to their longtime foster families.  When I contacted the director to say that I did not feel that Frankie could be successfully placed unless she was with her brother he did not hesitate to allow me to make notes that they had to be adopted together even if that meant reducing their adoption fees to make it happen.  Not hesitating to put the happiness of a little feral kitten over money is why my shelter is such an awesome place.

For those of you who do volunteer with me, it may seem like I live at the shelter for the first week my ferals come in for adoption.    What I am doing is weaning my babies off of me and onto the rest of the world.  They need my familiar voice, scent and touch to ease their nervousness and realize they were still safe and that it was OK to open up and let others in.

I expected it to take weeks to find an adopter who would not only want to take on a feral kitten who still had a ways to go in their socialization, but TWO feral kittens who needed patience, time and love to bond with their adopter.  But fate was smiling on my babies.  I brought Frankie in to join her brother on Sunday.  She was spayed on Tuesday and on Wednesday a wonderful women walked into the shelter looking for a younger pair of cats to adopt.  Turns out that her cat of 19 years had passed away recently and the family was ready to open up their hearts and home to new animals.  And the cat they lost had started its life with them as a 1 year old feral.

She totally understood the mindset of a feral kitten and fell in love instantly with Frankie and Hyde.  She was excited to work with Frankie to continue to bring her around and Hyde seemed to like her right away.  After clearing it with her family, Frankie and Hyde have a wonderful, awesome, perfect fit for their forever home!!  They went home to start their forever life yesterday.  And I could not be happier.

When I think back to where we started, (Frankie a terrified little ball of fluff and Hyde so frightened he had to be wrapped in a towel to be put in a carrier), it makes me so happy to see where we are now.  Their body language was hunched, low to the ground and so insecure.   Now the are upright, ears up, tails held high and muscles relaxed.  Even though they still have some work to do with their adopter, as these pictures will show you, they have truly come a long way.

  

I hope I was able to give you some insight into the world of a feral kitten.  And the next time you see a hissing, growling kitten in a shelter cage, I hope you remember a few important facts.  1.  They are dangerous, so leave them to people who are trained to handle them.  2.  They are scared, NOT aggressive.  3.  A feral kitten's capacity to love is like nothing you have ever seen before and if you are ever lucky enough to have one trust you enough to bond with you, you will truly have been blessed.

And I have been blessed to open my home and heart to so many feral kittens.  They have taught me that there is nothing better and more humbling than opening up your heart to a scared feral animal that is not yet capable of loving you back.

So thank you to all of you who have gone on this journey from feral to friendly with us.  It has been quite the ride.  :)

Worth Fighting For

Ferals do a lot of "fighting".  My ferals have been fighting constantly since they came to me.  

They fought:

* To get to the back of the cage and be the kitten the furthest from me at all times.

* To get away and avoid being picked up and handled.

* To be the first gobble down the food and retreat to a hiding place.
* To overcome their fear.

*  To be the one who gets the most of the baby food.

* To see who could get the most toys.

* To overcome their illness.

* To allow themselves to relax enough to start to trust me.

Every single feral kitten that comes into a shelter and successfully goes through the socialization process has to be a fighter.  Even though they are still just babies, they fight through illness, fear, malnutrition, a lack of trust, and so many other challenges that many of us humans would find overwhelming.

And as we approach the New Year, I am happy to say that Frankie and Hyde are still fighting. But now, instead of fighting to get away from me, they fight to push each other out of the way so that they can be the one to get the most petting from mom. 

I have so much respect for all of the feral kittens I have been lucky enough to foster.  They are the epitome of the fighting spirit that is in some many shelter animals and show me time and time again that some things are truly worth fighting for.

Happy New Year Frankie, Hyde, (and Twyla in your forever home),
Love,
Your Fighting "Coach"
Mom

And the Walls Come Tumbling Down!

Sometimes you just never know what is going to help you make progress with your feral fosters but you are sure glad when it happens.

Frankie has been stuck on a plateau in her socialization for about two weeks now.  She has not regressed, which is good, but she has not moved forward at all.  All I could do was keep trying to chip away at the wall she had built up between us and hope that she would one day stop being afraid of me and start wanting my company.  The usual tricks of food, baby food, toys, and petting were not working.  She was still too frightened and insecure to open up to me.  She pretty much would rush to eat her food and then find a corner to hide in until I left the room.  She would tolerate me picking her up or touching her but she did not like it at all.

I wanted to give her a place that she could feel like she could "get away" from me without cramming herself into a little dark corner.  But I had been forced to throw out all my cat climbing trees earlier in the year due to possible contamination with a mysterious virus that was fatal to two kittens in a litter of five.  Thanks to the generosity of people donating their unwanted cat furniture to the shelter rather than tossing it or selling it and because two wonderful staff members remember I needed cat trees, I was able to put both a shorter cat post and a tall climbing tree into my foster room late last week.

At first both Frankie and Hyde were afraid of the trees, but after about a hour and some exploring they were two happy climbing kittens.  Then something wonderful happened this weekend.  Frankie was able to look at the world from an up high perspective and it helped her find her confidence.  She could be away from me with out being cornered in a small dark place.

She stopped bolting right away after eating her food.  If I put her on my lap, she did not like it, but once I let go, she just walked a few feet away and calmly sat down rather than freaking out.  And today there was even more progress!  I went into the room in between feedings to give Hyde some attention and cuddling.  She watched for 2-3 minutes from her perch on the smaller cat post yawned and then came down to join us.

For the first time ever, she allowed me to pet her without food to distract her.  And when I stopped petting her, she looked at me like she was enjoying it.  She watched Hyde come up and hit my hand to get me to pet him again.  She was not brave enough to try that, but she did come closer to me.

I did 3-4 short sessions with no food in the room with them today and by the time I turned out the light to put them to bed, she was coming right up to me and even climbing into my lap.  She is still very nervous, and not yet ready to head butt my hand to ask for petting, but I can tell by her expression that she likes it and is actively seeking out affection from me.

That stubborn wall had finally came tumbling down and allowed me to see the real Frankie hiding behind all that fear.  I now can finally see that someday she will be a good companion to an experienced cat lover who can appreciate her shy, feisty, sweet personality.

So, Frankie, my little girl, it it nice to finally meet you.

Wait...Where Am I?

Twyla has become quite the traveler in the two months since she came into the shelter.  She started out with me, then went to another foster home and just this Saturday, she went to the shelter...to go up for adoption! 

That's right folks.  She is happy, healthy and social enough to go up for adoption.  So here she is in her cage at the shelter waiting to meet that special person who will be her forever home.

Most kittens that come out of foster for adoption are adopted in 24-48 hours.  Former feral kittens often take a week or more to find the right home.  This is because feral kitten often need quiet, adult only homes with experienced cat owners.  And those adopters need to be willing to work with a shy kitten because they will regress a bit when they change locations.  Our shelter has very good luck in finding people like this for our feral babies but it does sometimes take a little bit.

However, sometimes the stars align and the right home for a former feral kitten shows up right away.  I am thrilled to say that is what happened with Twyla.  Twyla came into the shelter for adoption Saturday morning.  Volunteers were cleaning a cage for her to move into when the foster coordinator and I were talking with another foster mom.  She had a friend that expressed an interest in adopting one of her foster kittens, but for a variety of reasons her kitten was not the best match for her friend.  So we suggested Twyla.

The foster mom came with me to meet Twyla even before she made it into her cage.  She spent some time with her, took some pictures and sent the information to her friend.  It was a match!  The friend came up to meet Twyla as soon as we opened to the public and I am thrilled to report that Twyla is ADOPTED and already in her forever home!

So it was a great weekend for this Animal House.   If Twyla had never been trapped, brought to the shelter and sent into foster, this little sweetie would have likely already gone to the rainbow bridge either from the cold or her illness.  Now Twyla will spend her life inside as a well loved member of a family and will likely have a long wonderful life.

Happy endings like this are why I do what I do.  So as I say to all my fosters as they go up for adoption - "Bye, Twyla.  Good luck in your forever home.  Mommy loves you."  And that is why this blog is called "Always in our Hearts".  Because our fosters may only stay in our homes for a little while, but they are in our hearts forever.

p.s. - Don't worry, this is not the end. Twyla's siblings Hyde and Frankie are still with me and I will be back with updates on their progress soon.

Yeah...That's the Spot

We are now in a good spot here in the Animal House.  I am happy to report that everyone is improving in both health and socialization.

Twyla is doing very well in her new foster home.  Her health has improve quite a bit on her new medication.  And she is snuggling with her new foster mom.  So things are actually looking good for to go up for adoption once she finishes her medication without needing to come back to me for more socialization.  While I will miss not seeing her back with me again, the sooner she can get to a loving forever home, the better.   I will let you all know how she does as I get updates from her new foster home.

Frankie and Hyde are also basically recovered from their health issue and we are now actively working on socialization again.  They are both loose in the room and learning to be more normal kittens.  We are going full force with them only having yummy wet food when I am in the room and it is making a difference.

Frankie is still very nervous about coming near me, but with the benefit of the food she is coming closer and closer to me every day.  She comes right out as soon as I come in the room and some where inside her, she does want to be with me.  Her new habit is to find a blanket or pillow about 3 feet from where I am sitting and sit there.  It allows her to be close to me, but not so close that she is nervous.  I can pet her during eating and even a stroke or two after she is done eating.  Today I pushed her boundaries even more by making her eat her food while in my lap.  She was nervous about this and kept moving away, but allowed me to pick her up and move her back to my lap to eat each time.

Hyde is enjoying petting and will walk right up to me to ask for it as long as I am sitting down. I have found a spot on his chin that he loves having scratched and that was the key to getting him to not just tolerate affection but to actively seek it out.  He now meows at me in greeting when I come into the room and follows me to the door when I leave.  I can still see that he is nervous and he does get freaked if I move too fast or if a strange sound startles him.  But now if he bolts away when startled, he turns around and comes right back to me once he settles down.  I can pick him up and hold him for short periods of time.  I am working with him to increase the amount of time he is OK with being held and also working to get him to be comfortable with being carried around the room while I am standing.

Why am I working on that?  I could just tell an adopter he does not like to be carried, but the reality of shelter life if that he needs to be taken out of his cage and carried to a visiting space in order to meet an adopter so he needs to be safe for non feral experienced volunteers to handle him.

The biggest stride that Hyde has made was actually today.  He discovered my lap and realized that it is a nice place to take a rest.  Of course I have had him on my lap before.  I have forced him to be on my lap, encouraged him to crawl into it to get baby food and tricked him into running across it to chase a toy.  But today he crawled up in my lap to get some petting and then sat down.  He was very stiff at first but I started petting his favorite spot and he slowly relaxed and realized he was very comfortable.  So I spent a few minutes with this little feral guy sprawled in my lap.

As he sat there trying not to fall asleep he looked up at me and made eye contact.  And for the first time he looked at me and actually connected with me.  Instead of nerves and stress in his eyes, I saw acceptance, affection and a desire to bond with a person.

So I can say, yeah, that's the spot.  And what a good spot it is.

Lessons Learned

Dear Fosters Kittens:

When I decided to become a foster parent, I did it because of my love of animals and a desire to help.  I quickly knew that each and every one of you was going to touch my heart and that fostering you was going to be fun, challenging, heartbreaking and a wonderful experience for my whole family.  What I did not realize is that while you really needed my help, I really needed you too.

You have changed me as a person and I will be forever grateful.  So on this day of Thanksgiving, I wanted to take a minute to just say thank you for the life lessons you have taught me. 

To Sadie who we adopted at age 11 - you taught me that love has no age.

To Doyle who I just could not let go - you taught me that a forever connection can be made in an instant.

To Charlie who stopped moving for a week from unknown reasons and still has balance and allergies issues - you taught me that your don't have to be perfectly healthy to be a perfect match for the right little girl.

To Nigella who is still learning to be social - you taught that you do not have to be "typical" to inspire love in those around you.

To Abner who is our first small animal foster - you taught me to not get too set in my ways and always be open to new things.

To Ali who was too weak to stand - you taught me to never give up and always keep fighting. 

To Gus who was scared, cold and alone - you taught me that a little love can make a huge difference.

To Christopher, Pluto, Savvi, Glory Eddie, and too many others who went to the rainbow bridge - you taught me to put others first and know when it is time to let go.

To Neko whose leg swelled up three times its normal size - you taught me that weird things happen, but just go with the flow and things will turn out OK.

To Victoria who was too feral to touch for a month - you taught me patience and persistence does pay off.

To Neptune who was so sick you were not expect to survive the weekend - you taught me that miracles do happen.

To Jude who spent her entire 6 month long life with us - you taught me that it does not matter how long your life is, it only matters what you do with it.  Use whatever time you have in this life to share your skills and talents with others. And most importantly, reach out to touch others hearts.  The love you share will come back to you.  Anyone can make a difference in this world if they just try.

So to all my fosters, the ones listed here and the many, many others, I am thankful for the life lessons you have taught me, the love you have shared and the difference you have made in my life. 

I will never know all the details of  your life before me or the road you will travel after you leave me, but in the words of the band Rascal Flatts, I will always be thankful for the "Broken Road" that led you to me.

Love,
Your Foster Mom
Michelle

The Grass Isn't Always Greener

The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.  Sometimes it is just scary.  At least that is what my kittens are feeling right now.  For over a month, Frankie, Twyla and Hyde have been in my house.  They have gotten used to the room they are in and to me.  Twyla was progressing well with her socialization.  Frankie and Hyde were not. 

But then, as I mentioned in a previous post, they got sick.  Twyla actually had already been sick, but this week she got much sicker.  And Frankie and Hyde started showing odd symptoms too.  So on Friday it was off to the shelter to see the vet to try and figure out what it going on.

The news is mixed.  Twyla is definitely getting worse.  Her congestion is concerning and it is time to get more aggressive with her treatment.  She will now be on an oral antibiotic, SQ fluids, force feeding as needed and an injectible medication.  I am happy that she is social enough to tolerate this sort of treatment.  But I am sad to say that I had to send her to another foster home for her treatment.  While I have no problem with the level of care she needs, one of the medications (the injectible medication called Penject) is something that I am dangerously allergic to.  Even just getting it on my skin can cause my throat to swell.  As much as I love Twyla, it is not safe for me to give her the treatment she needs.  So she has gone to the home of an awesome foster mom who is amazing with feral kittens but just does not have the time to socialize on a regular basis anymore.  She is also a vet tech so Twyla is in very good hands until she is off the Penject and can return to me.

Frankie and Hyde are also on medication.  Their vet exam was inconclusive, mostly because they are still so feral it was difficult for the vet staff to handle them.  But given the symptoms I was reporting seeing in my house and the fact that Frankie's lungs sounded a little harsh, they are now on meds.

Because of a lack of an available car, Frankie and Hyde had to spend the night at the shelter Friday night.  I was not able to pick them up until almost 1pm the next day.  They were well taken care of by the wonderful staff at the shelter but for them, this was definitely NOT fun.  They were in a strange place, being poked and prodded by strangers, and just where did they think they were putting that thermometer?!  They were in a strange cage, the smells were different, they could hear dogs barking and there were just SO many strangers.

When feral kittens experience a stress like this they can go two ways.   They can either regress and act more feral or do what Frankie and Hyde have done.  They have decided the grass was not greener on the other side of the fence and are very happy to be home!

Hyde has suddenly started purring very quietly at me, is enjoying and occasionally even soliciting attention with a head butt.  This is a huge step forward for him.  He is in the odd stage where he wants this attention, but at the same time, it makes him nervous.  So the trick right now is to keep the interactions short.  The old saying applies here:  Always leave them wanting more.

As for Frankie, she has not has such a dramatic leap in her socialization, but she has improved.  She still hisses if startled while in her crate.  But she is now allowing me to pet her without the distraction of food.  And for the first time ever, I was able to pick her up and move her a few feet without having to scruff her.  Frankie actually would probably make faster progress if she was not crated but since I need to be able to get my hands on her to medicate them, both remain crated for the time being.

I have actually consulted with some other wonderful feral foster people regarding Frankie and Hyde and everyone pretty much has the same thought that I did.  They need to be uncrated and learn to want to come near me, but first I need to get them healthy.  Right now, I am avoiding the stress of giving them medication by mixing it into their baby food.  I am hopeful that I will continue to be able to trick them into taking the medication this way.

In the mean time.  They have decided that I am not so bad in comparison to the world out there.  And I am enjoying the extra one of a kind affection type of affection that comes from a feral kitten who is starting to really enjoy being with me.