In a previous post I mentioned that sometimes, after a feral has settled in and starts showing you their true personality, you may find that your foster home is not the best place for them. I that happens, the best thing you as a foster mom can do is let them go. With that in mind, I wanted to let everyone know that Abbey, my youngest feral has moved on to another wonderful foster home.
Why did she leave, you may ask? She is not feral anymore. But she is feisty. She is also at least a pound and a half smaller than my older ferals. Typical of single kitten, she has issues with play biting and being too rough. Up until now, the older ferals have tolerated her jumping on them and biting them but as she gets bigger, the biting gets harder. And as they get more comfortable in my home, they become less tolerant. The writing has been on the wall for a few days now, but yesterday they finally started to fight back.
Normally, I am all for letting other kittens teach a fresh kitten boundaries and manners. It is the best and quickest way to eliminate mouthy biting kitten behaviors and it is what nature intended. But since Abbey is so much smaller than her foster siblings and was just not getting their more gentle corrections, I was becoming concerned that she was going to get hurt. She did get into a tiff with Frankie, the least tolerant of the litter yesterday. I was able to intervene before it got bad because I never let the groups interact unless I am in the room with them. But it became clear that Abbey would not be able to be unsupervised with Frankie, Twyla and Hyde and that she was starting to get annoyed about being in a crate.
Luckily, when I took her into the shelter for her routine vaccines last night, another wonderful foster mom who has tons of experience with feisty, mouthy kittens offered to take her and let her more gentle foster (and adult cat) teach her the manners she needs to learn. And I have already gotten a report that she is running, jumping and playing with her new siblings and enjoying life outside the crate. So, even though I will miss her cute little face, I am happy for her.
As for my other litter, they will be going through a change very soon too. They have reached the point that it is time to give them more freedom. They are too big for the crate and are getting more and more used to me reaching toward them in the confined space of the ring pen. All will come toward me for baby food. So it is just about time to take a deep breath, jump off that cliff and let them out of the crate for good. They will have the freedom of the entire foster room. This is always a hard step because in some ways, it is like going back to step one.
There is a concept in special education that is called generalizing a skill. It means being able to perform a skill or task in multiple different settings, at different times, with different people. This is not an automatic accomplishment. It needs to be taught. It is why your toddler can say trick or treat at home, but not when actually out trick or treating. Or the dog who aces the "sit" command stares at its owner in confusion when asked to sit in training class.
My kittens have not yet generalized their social skills. They are OK with being petted, picked up, eating baby food and playing with toys - with me. In the ring pen. When I am sitting in a certain place. Change any of those variables and they are no longer OK. Once I let them out of the crate for good they will have to "relearn" these skills in the new setting. It will challenge them and make them nervous so we will have to take it slow. This can lead to frustration on the part of the foster mom because in your mind they are regressing. But in truth, they are learning to generalize skills they have already learned and you need to give them as much time as they need to learn.
This "setback" will happen anytime you bring a new location or person into the mix. But if you are prepared for it and understand why it is happening it makes it easier to deal with without getting discouraged.
Just keep in mind - you are expanding their world and that can sometimes be scary for them. Give them as much time as they need and you will see that as their world grows, so do the rewards. The first time a feral kitten approaches you in the cage is a great feeling, but the first time a feral kitten crosses a room to be with you is amazing and I can't wait to get there with my current babies.
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